these tears i cry aren't tears of joy;

Honestly, you guys probably don't even care where I've been. I highly doubt anybody cares enough to even open this set. But yet, I find myself writing this. Maybe it's just because I need closure. Because truthfully, I don't really think I'm back for good. I'm still struggling with my demons and I just can't seem to shake them off. I wish they would just go away. Thinking back, it must have started in June. I don't know how it happened, but I became obsessed with pro ana websites. I would stalk the pro ana tag on tumblr and constantly look at thinspo. I didn't really act on anything, though. I don't even know why I looked. To me, the girls just looked like underfed, decaying skeletons. I couldn't look at them without feeling the urge to throw up. I grew out of it after a couple of weeks, luckily. I remember September. Mid September, to be exact. That's when I started calorie counting. Honestly, I don't even know why i started in the first place. I was pretty happy with my body (I was about 105 pounds at 5'7, just to get a visual.) I started out eating 1,200 calories a day. I don't really remember it happening, but somehow, by October I had decreased my calorie count. By the end of the month I was eating about 600 calories a day. I'd struggled with mild depression before, but in early October it seemed to have returned. And then November. Ah, November. The month all the hell broke loose. By this point, I was eating 300 calories a day at most, although usually I just ate a bag of baby carrots. Let's just say some sh*t happened that month that I really don't want to go into. Also, keep in mind that I have struggled with severe anxiety for the past few years which made this even harder on me. I can honestly say that November was one of the toughest years of my life. Around this time I dropped down to 95 pounds (I was 5'8 by this time). My goal weight was 88 pounds. I know 95 pounds sounds deathly tiny, but honestly, that's not what I saw. That's still not what I see. When I look in the mirror, I see rolls of fat dripping down my stomach. I feel a strong sensation of putrid just looking at myself in the mirror. It's horrible. There is a voice in my head that tells me I'm not good enough. That I don't deserve to eat. I try to ignore it, but the voice is too strong. It always wins.The last 5 months have blurred into each other to the point that I can barely remember anything. I've recently started to increase my calorie count due to health issues. However, it's a day by day struggle. Some days, I will feel freed from the voice and won't even worry about calories. But most days, it's not like that. it's a vision of bones and despair as I cry to myself. Maybe you can learn something from my story. Maybe you'll rethink next time you call somebody fat. Sure, it might just be a joke, but you never know how much it will hurt them.
 
x

Only the most amazing tips. c:

Hey guys,
@darrenstribrows here
 
Sorry if this set sucks, stupid Polyvore deleted mine after I spent an hour on it. -___-
 
I’m trying to work on making my sets more informative, so let me know how I do on this tip.
 
We’ve all had it happen before. He’s the perfect guy for you. You can’t help yourself falling for him really. Maybe it’s his sense of humor, or maybe it’s his baby blue eyes. Whatever it is, you know he has what you’re looking for. And most importantly, he’s captured your heart. Day by day, you fall for him even harder. You didn’t even know it was possible to like somebody this much. So when you see him holding hands with the new girl, your heart completely breaks in half. “Why her? Why not me?” You ask painfully. There’s only one way to deal with this: Get over him.
 
+ Get the facts;
You shouldn't just assume things. Just because he’s hugging another girl doesn't mean he has a thing for her. Maybe her dog just died, or maybe she’s just had a rough day. Whatever it is, you never know. Even if it turns out he doesn’t like you back, at least you’ll know the truth. So do some digging and find out the truth! Of course, I wouldn’t recommend asking him to his face unless you’re that type of girl.
 
+ Deal with it;
Sooner or later you’ll have to accept the rejection. Choose sooner so you can just get it over with and get on with your life. You can let yourself feel bad for yourself at first, but don’t let it go on forever. A couple days of sweats and ice cream should be enough. After that, realize that this is reality: he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you right now. This doesn’t mean that you guys won’t ever be together, but right now you won’t. Don’t take it personally. Perhaps he’s never really paid enough attention to realize what a great girl you are.
 
+ Get over him;
Let’s face it: he wasn’t the perfect guy. Maybe you were able to overlook his imperfections, but maybe you didn’t notice them. Did you know that 1 out of 3 guys don’t wash their hands after going to the bathroom? Ewwww! Do you really want to be holding hands with a guy who never washes his hands? That’s what I thought. A good way to get out your feelings is poetry and/or songwriting. Hey, Taylor Swift didn’t just write magical songs. She had to go through it too. Who knows, maybe you’ll be the next big thing! c; He’ll definitely be sorry then. Obviously, he must be a big idiot if he doesn’t think you’re amazing. Whatever the reason is, you can do so much better than him. Somewhere out there is someone who deserves you and will treat you right. And it’s not him.
 
+ & Rebound! ;
You probably would have never admitted it, but even if you guys had gotten together, it’s not like you would be together forever. Only 1% of people marry their high school sweetheart, and 60% of those people end up getting divorced anyways! So get out there and find yourself a new man! Maybe that cutie in the back of your calculus class, or the mysterious new boy? Another thing you might want to consider is boys you know like you. They could always be an option, because you won’t have to deal with the rejection of him not liking you back. Still, don’t go for someone just because they like you, that’s a terrible reason! Go for somebody that you genuinely like! Who knows, maybe they’ll like you back. c;
 
Just remember, you are beautiful.
Grace
 
"We loved with a love that was more than love"
-Edgar Allan Poe

name - Grace
age - 13
name a few things you like- indie music, glee, full house, & starbucks
a few things you don't like- tbh i like most things c: but um, meat & high cal food
your fashion sense- indie prep, i guess?

^^^ pretty much

@darrenstribrows here
Haii guys. I know I already posted it on @tip-castle but I'm posting it again here. :3 On to the tip!
 
So you're on your first date with the cutie from calculus, or maybe you're seeing the latest movie with your crush. Whatever the occasion is, the first date is always special! You always need to be sure to have the right things with you.
 
- A cute handbag/purse;; what else would you keep everything in?
- Mints;; in case the date gets a little... physical. c;
- Travel size deodorant;; self explanatory.
- Makeup (I suggest concealer, mascara, and eyeliner);; Just in case there's a smear!
- Perfume;; so you can smell great ALL night long!
- Hair stuff (a comb, bobby pins, hairspray, ect.);; so there's no frizz to be found. ;)
- Money;; duhhhh.
- Tampons/ Pads;; Nothing worse then being unprepared on a date during your tom.
- Phone;; make sure it's off! There's nothing worse then having your phone go off in the middle of a date.
- Camera;; so you can remember the night forever!
- Notebook;; Just in case you want to write something down!